Flying Without Wingzzz....

I've been wanting to write something lengthy but somehow the brain suddenly stalled mid-way. Wonder why. Perhaps it's just being too lazy to think. =P

Anyway, I've decided to abandon the idea and write something else. Today I choose to write about Motherhood. =)

I've been reading blogs and webs about parenting, babysitting, being pregnant and all. Kinda interesting. Eye opener. Heart breaking. You name it you get it.

Well....lately, I've been touched by real life stories shared by working mothers or commonly known as FTWM (Full Time Working Mom) turning SAHM ( Sit At Home Mom).

They spoke of giving up their promising and/or long service career for their kids. They spoke of spending more quality time with the family. They spoke of not wanting to miss on their kids 1st walk, 1st crawl, 1st word and whathaveyous. They spoke of giving up the luxury of life cos they find that their luxury would be seeing the kids doing well in their studies. The list goes on and on and on....

I'm guilty. Yes I felt guilty the instance I hear all the above.

First, I dont appreciate my mum quitting her job for us. I was then in school. The only thing I remembered when mom spoke of her quitting her job was - my allowance cut. =( No more eating out with friends at fast foods and/or shopping after school.

Second, I've to put up with the naggings and get ready to explain for being late - at finishing schoolwork, late for my ngaji, late to reach home after school/extra lessons/ECAs bla bla bla.....

Third, mom will constantly keep a check on my time-table, my schoolbag, my uniform to check for cigar smell (just to check that I hadnt started smoking when I've always hate smoke cos they make me teary and sneezy and coughing my lungs out *duh!*)

Fourth, she'll make sure I dont delayed or skipped the daily prayers. You know morning prayers is the hardest cos I can barely opened up my eyes. Sometimes both eyelids seemed to be glued by the taik mata or eyes shit =P in between making it even more challenging to open up.

Fifth, my movement will be restricted. When I need to go out, mum will asked me the time I'd be home. And if I came home later than the time given, I'll be home ground for many,many months. Oh yes! Mom shall decide on what I should wear! I kept wondering why my brother is being treated differently. Reason because he has the "P" and I've the "V". Well.... the answer is obvious aint it? I dun think I need to elaborate. I've to stay home and do the housechores when the house is all so clean and sparkling. Not even a dust in sight. I know cos I've sensitive nose to dust. Now isnt that what you call favortism at that growing up stage? Hmmph....

......and the lists go on and on.

Now that I'm married. I'm working. I've wider cliques of friends from all walks of life. I'm seeing things differently. Well....maybe my brain has grown slightly older. I can see things from a different perspective and I tried putting myself in their shoes.

I asked myself if one day I'm ever ready to do what my mom and those sacrificing mothers out there did. Call it quits to the corporate world and join the SAHM club.

The answer is - I'm not prepared.

Perhaps, this mentality of mine will changed over time just like people changed with time. I've admired moms who sacrificed their time, effort, career for their kids. I've also admired moms who juggled between careers & family. Both have their own strength.

I've yet to discover myself.

Maybe I thought I should take the time to devote myself to my elderly parents. Perhaps that too is the reason why there's still only husband and me. HE knows whats best for us. We're enjoying the space we have now and will try to equip and get ourselved ready physically, mentally and financially.

Mom often dispute the mentality I had "not time yet and not fully ready".

She says something like (if my memory dun fail me) "....you'll never be ready if you dont take up the challenge. When you embark on it, take it slowly. No need to rush. You have all the time to learn as long as you're breathing. Take everyday as a learning lesson. Dont place high expectations and expect nothing in return as reward. That'll be the most rewarding thing to do and the satisfaction guranteed a lifetime. Insya-Allah"

As I'm a s-l-o-w learner. It may take sometime for me to absorb. Heh! But nevertheless, this is definitely inspiring.

So to all FTWM turning SAHM - here wishing you all the best in embarking on your new journey in life. May all your efforts proved to be fruitful one day. My prayers are with you. Amin.

To my dearest mom, I've nothing but to thank her the whole of my heart (wish I could still live without my heart and present it as a gift to her. too bad I cant cos it'd meant "innalillah" me =P) for shaping and moulding my young and rebellious self for whom I am now. I may not have fulfilled much for her but Insya-Allah with her blessings and prayers I will one day. I know I'm still growing. Heh! Just give me sometime to fully grow to a real adult. =P

The "L" bug has gotten into me. Every hour now counts. Every day that past is very precious. Every minute in the office seems to be draggy. After office hours seemed to be filled with appointments & meet-up.

The most important task - every time I'm home I make sure I did a bit of catching up with the lonely mom at home before I fall in bed by 11.30pm - 12 midnite. The least I could do just so that she dont feel I'm neglecting her. I'll just keep on talking and talking everything under the sun and the moon, till she felt sleepy. Sometimes, I'd wait till she shooed me out of her room. Dad is often on night shift. Bro is hardly at home. So that's left with me. Her all time fav daughter. *LOL* Like real only. =P

Ya Allah! Please give me the strength to get through the days in the best of health. Amiiiinnnn....

Anyways, just something to update to add a bit of colors to my plain and dull blog. A lil' backdated but still........it's a something. =P

3-in-1 Weddings of the cousins.

Alright!

So I've been tagged. So I've to what? Oh! List 3 random facts about myself. So I've to spend a whole night thinking about it. So today I decided to list them down here. So I've decided to tag the next 5 victims. So watch out for your names here at the end of this entry. *evil grinz*

So here it goes....

3 random facts about myself that you may/may not noticed or knew......

1) I'm a sensitive person.
Dunno how to define how high is my sensitivity - U read U decide ..... ekekekekek! Just watch your line. Your words may scarred me for life. I forgive easily but can never forget. Very difficult. Tough for me tough for the person too. To-date I can still remember them vividly in my mind. Ask me about them and I can relate it well too. But then again, I always try to remember the good things the persons had done to me just so that I could shield the past. Perhaps all cancerians are born like that huh?

2) I'm a secretive person.
Generally in cyber world I liked to remain anonymous. I love to meet people but I'll draw a line wherever possible just so that they dun go in depth to know me & my life unless I feel very comfortable with the person. The reason why I named myself "Aliyah" just because I dont want people to know my super-long name which I dislike. I'm one of those women out there who's secretive about my age too. =P I loved to remain - Always 17. *wide grin*

3) I abhor KICAP or black sauce.
I simply just cant take it since young. Weird but true. If I had a sudden craving for cili padi in black sauce, I'd close my eyes and eat it. Within the next 10 mins (tak sempat digest pon), I'd be running for the loo or even felt nausea and puke-y. Sometimes I had bad headaches and had very bad muscles pull at the back of my neck. It's not proven scientifically on the above. Somehow it runs in the family.

So I'm done and over with it. So who's the next 5 lucky bloggers?

*rub hands with glee*

Taaaa.....daaaaa!!! They are :-

1) ezayu
2) Pujangga Malam
3) ekkxs
4) shireen
5) andrina

It was another busy week for me. Lotsa meetings, deadlines, weddings, gatherings etc etc etc. Wonder where I got the energy from - maybe from Glucolin. :D Before the energiser weakens, I'd better update this blog or I'd risked having some people out there spanking my butt!

Be forewarned: this is a 3-in-1 entry and it's gonna be lengthy in words. *grinz* If you're not into words, then click on the pictures. =D

Thursday:
Applied the afternoon leave off from work to meet up with some boh-chap dudettes. Spend the afternoon yakking, bitching and snapping away with them. Highlight of the day: Ms Mumbles made her presence there. She was definitely one fellow bloggger whom you should meet to see her LIVE! in person - wacky & yakky & crazy exactly the way she blogs. Thereafter to add more LIFE! to the day, we decided to go for a set of bowling session to de-stress. This time with the spouses in tow right after their long day at work. Kudos to them for obliging to their beloved wives request. The wives love you loads! *LOL*

click us!

Friday:
Met ezayu, eryanta, zany & Diana for dinner at Swensens yet again. Kak Zah aka zany was craving for the food there. Too bad we're missing the company of Charm aka Mrs Rafi as she'd clashed of the schedules. This time I gave the meal there a missed as I'm down with diarrhoea prior to the date. Shit! Of all days it'd to happen today. Nevertheless, the date has to go on. Met all the wonderful girls there and they were already busy eating and yakking away - almost missing my presence as I stepped in to join them. Glad I wasnt the last one =P. For the first time I met eryanta, I was soo fascinated with her eyes. Gosh! Those eyes look sexy to me. Heh! Dalam diam ku amat mengagumi matanya yg bulat itu. *chucklez*

And of all time, the waiter there has to flirt with us. Perhaps we dun look like married women. Perhaps Kak Zah's bulging tummy was hidden under the table. Perhaps he's just having a very bad itchy-bawah lah. Nevertheless, we made used of that opportunity to get him to snap a group photo of us (as he offered himself to help). Heeee!

click click!

Saturday:
Attended a friend's wedding on a wet Saturday afternoon. Met Kak Asmah while I was busy eating. Nice to meet ya sis - if you happen to read my blog. Before we hurried off, we managed to catch the beautiful couple in their turqoise suit. Gorgeous! We were rushing most of the time, that we hadnt got the opportunity to have a memory shot with them. Ni pon gambar kebas from Frina's blog for viewing.

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU SHANAH & MOHADI! Semoga berkekalan hingga ke syurga.....amin.

After shanah's, we rushed to pick up the siblings-in-law to avoid the long wait at Woodlands checkpoint only to be disappointed when we were there. There were massive jam at both causeways. What to do? Rush rush also no point...what else? WAIT lah and tempers in the car started to go berserk. *LOL* Gedebak...gedebook...gedebam....we finally reached dh's aunty's place at around 11.40pm.

Sunday:
It was a day celebrated in memory of those who perished during the Sept 11 attacks. Somehow it coincides with dh's cousin engagement. My first time ever attending one in a kampong. It was the second in MIL's family for someone to get hitched after us. Dh's cousins were all still very young. It was a hot and wet weather and I was perspiring like mad. Certain times, I felt faint due to the heat. Manja betol ako nie! It was total madness and I kept whining to the SILs and dh. Fortunately they shared same sentiments or I'll be considered a crybaby. =P I was somehow chosen to be the photographer of the day. With 3 cameras....NO! Make that 4 cameras on hand, I've to hold the people back so that I could snap snap snap with each camera. I bet those people are seeing flashlights when I continously did that. *LOL*

And here....one of the photos taken using a camera-phone for viewing. Give me sometime to upload all the pictures yeah? I know you guys can wait.... =P

click to view more

So whats next during this week? Many....will blog abt it when I can find the time. Stay tune!

Yeah....I know. Sooo....unlikely me hor. To have an update right after another? Well....I just felt bored. Having to work late tonight. I decided to pass some time while churning out my presentation slides.

Anyway, had a great time today. Despite being pestered, bugged and whathaveyous for this and that by the boss, I still can afford to sneak into MSN and had a pleasant time there. *giggles* Great way to deal with stress.

I had 2 active windows and they're both group conversations. One window as usual with the same kahkis' and another with some old friends. Man! I definitely went bonkers at a certain point that I'm seeing figures across screens, colours on another and icons on MSN! *faints* What more....with the alt+tab buttons here and there and playing on the mouse....I had my wrist twisted just now. Ouch! Serves me right. =P

Good news - just received my cheque for my medical claims. That was a great deal for me oh yeah....went through many doors just to have it approved. I really sweat it out this time. Alhamdulillah! Somehow this time my claims were considered unusual. I had to explain some medical terms, search the web for infos, brought my medication as proof and I even offered to expose a lil bit of the skin....just to have my MONEY back!! *LOL* What happen u may ask? Well....I developed rashes during the company shift. Allergy to dust was the doctor's diagnosis. Damn! Now I have sensitive skin.

And oh! where's the boss who told me to stay with him tonight?

*standing up*

Darn! He's gone....no bidding of goodbye at all. Sabo sia!

OK! Slides done. Reports ready. Email sent.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please come again. ;-)

Ciaoz....

Heh! Lately I just feel I'm growing lazier by the day. *s-t-r-e-t-c-h* I just need a push, a nudge, a knock, a slap ....... to keep me going. I dread waking up early in the morning and had to drag myself to work. I'm having a very low morale and feeling under the sun at times. Why? Perhaps sick of my job. Tsk...tsk...tsk! Perhaps I'm in great need of another long break. *koff koff* Perhaps I just need what my soul need - retail therapy. *checks husband pockets*

Hmm...... *wide grinz*

Life was pretty much exciting during the weekends and the weeks to come. There's LIFE after work too. But no life from 9am - 6pm (not incl the time i reached office 8.15am everyday n knock off latest at 8pm) Shrugs!

Oh! Is it Monday today? Or maybe it's Friday..... *yawns*

Saturday - Had 2 sessions of makan and enjoyment with 2 different companies. Gosh! This small tank of mine can really filled up to brim! Sacks of laughter, tonnes of photo snappy, bagful of bitching around and the day ended with a contented me. *wide grinz* Glad my hubby made himself comfortable with the others halves. Teehee! Wish this could go on and on. Oh! Did I mention I had a meet up with the ex-collegueas who resigned last 1-2 years? And how we were caught up on updating one another on the goings in the office? Well....they seemed so much happier and chirpy now. One of them is even PREGNANT. OMG! So the remedy for those on TTC - quit the job and seek out for greener patch of grass? If there's no greens, will mud do? *chucklez* Anyway, I still like it here .... dunno what's pulling me here though. Perhaps the $$$. Perhaps the freedom to chat on MSN, blogging whilst on the job. Perhaps perhaps perhaps ;-)

Eh! I've gone off track. Sorry!

So after the ex-colleagues gath, we went over to ECP for "BBQ under the stars". Syukur alhamdulillah! Weather was cool and breezy. I can smell food from the carpark upon reaching there. Growwlllll!! Pardon me... thats the sound from the hungry tummy. ;-D WOW! So many food, great company but err.....i saw unfamiliar faces. Suddenly I felt shy. Maintain demure. Maintain feminity. Maintain cool. As an ice breaker, I introduced dh to the others. So since dh remained one corner, I followed suit. It wasnt for long when I was teased by AzmiBanana and MadAsh for being overly-quiet, reserved. =P Enjin pon da panas apa lagik....pasang tanduk ler jawabnya. Camera frenzy was a starter! It was really nice to have a reunion gathering like this.

As the night gets older, I've to bid goodbye and wished AzmiBanana a good n safe trip to Kalimantan and Dubai. He'd be away for maybe a year for work. Not too sure of more details. It's a good opportunity and exposure I'd say. Lucky banana! Poor df of his. Never mind banana! Your fiancee will be in good hands - especially with us *winks*

Sunday - Dh has a soccer match with one of my colleagues team - Uncle Scrooge. So Uncle Scrooge was bragging and boasting days before the match that he's gonna whack dh's team. Prior to the match, I'd told dh to screw and kerkkk!! (hand gesture -> hand on the neck) his team esp Uncle Scrooge. I'd love to see him coming to office limping. Padan muka dia! Muaahahahaha.... Unfortunately, it's a 1-0 score. DAMN! Uncle Scrooge team cheated and they were very rough. *******

Luckily we had only one wedding invitation to attend. *sigh* and it's a working day the next day....

Monday - and so .... here as I update this blog, I am wishing the day will come to an end sooner. I'm dead beat tired after the long weekends.

"......Raffles Place Interchange"

I opened my eyes, bid goodbye to my dh who was busy sms-ing and walked towards the exit. As I walked behind the crowd, I realised the surroundings was different. Hmmm......then I caught sight of the signage - 'TANJONG PAGAR'. *smacks forehead*

Damn! Am I sleep walking? I realised not - just in time to board the train and had half of my small, petite body sausaged in between the doors. I gave out a "light" squeal. The doors opened and I managed to curse 'em under my breath "stupid doors!" and felt eyes were on me. What?! Never see people stuck in between doors isit? The words were pretty loud in my head only. =P

As I alighted from the train at RAFFLES PLACE, I shoved out my hp and called who else but the dh. You think I'd let him away scot free? No way! After all the embarassment I went thru minutes ago. Grrrr!! Wanna know why? When I got up from the seat he managed to give me a poke or two at the waist to wake me up, a quick "bye!" and he continued with his sms-sing.

And so the pot pet pot pet pot pet begins.....

ME: Woitsss!!!
DH: *chuckling*
ME: You're suppose to stop me you know.
DH: Sorry! I heard 'Raffles Place'.
ME: Me too! Luckily I managed to hop back.
DH: *still laffing* I'm sorry! So you were on the same train?
ME: YES! I depended on you. *sulk* Next time not going to work with you.
DH: Alalalalala.....you're stoink from the sleep and I was busy. =P
ME: Yeah rite.

.....and I ended the conversation not wanting to hear anymore from him.

Ni betol nyer merajok nie. Kalau nak pujuk kena belanja makan tak pon belanja gi shopping. =P